Mediterranean Meanderings

11th May 2010

Today marks the six month anniversary of my arrival in Cyprus and for the first time I have sat down with no idea what to write. I keep starting sentences and then scribbling them out. What is there to say that I haven’t already said? Maybe this blog has done it’s time, after all it did only start out as a newsletter home to let everyone know what I was up to and they have probably had enough of my waffling by now.

I have absolutely no regrets about moving out here. I am not the same person that got off the plane, but that does not imply that the difficulties that form the basis for my life have gone away, I am just learning to cope with them better. I am still the awkward, clumsy, dyspraxic depressive with ME and dodgy joints that I was last November but by the same token I am not the Catherine Smith I was then. I cannot begin to explain how much difference the sunshine makes to my life. It gives me energy at times when in the past I would have curled up and given up. I write very little about the downtime, which I still have. I mention it in passing, but it makes very boring reading if after every activity I describe I then write ‘I had to lie down for the rest of the day!’ Or – ‘I was so exhausted by this that I couldn’t do anything for the next two days’. So, in a way this blog is a very good healing tool for me as it enables me to focus mainly on the wonder and excitement that form a large part of my life.

Looking back at some of my early newsletters, particularly those before the blog began, I realise just how much arrogance I had when I came to this country. I am a naturally opinionated person. Mind you being an Arien redhead born in the year of the Fire Dragon the chances that I would be quiet and passive are quite small! Although I am quite pleased about it really. I would rather be passionate about something and believe in it wholeheartedly then spend my life in a wave of indifference. However, I also hope that I am big enough and open enough to be continually learning and growing and I hope this blog has reflected my growth as a person as I learn more about Cyprus and its peoples, including the Ex-pat community. It is so easy to make up your mind about a group of people and dismiss them out of hand, but it is important to remember that all groups of people are made up of individuals and it is these individuals that are important. That is why it is said that successful revolutions always begin from the bottom up, as change only takes place when individual after individual starts to change personally – you get nowhere trying to change groups of people, because then mob mentality and peer pressure kick in. I have used quotes from Daisaku Ikeda before but he explains this principle far better than I ever could. He says: ‘A great human revolution in just a single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a nation, and further, will enable a change in the destiny of all humankind’. So, I hope if I have learnt nothing else in the last six months I have at least learnt to be more open and more accepting, and far less dismissive – which used to be a terrible habit of mine.

The heat is really starting to build up now, although I am aware that we still have a good 20 degrees to rise in the heat of the summer. I had to walk to the bank this morning and, although there is still a cool breeze, you can feel the heat in the air like fiery breath on your skin. I love it. It makes my joints easier and it makes my spirits soar. Although after an hour and a half walking in it – after leaving the bank I walked up the hill to Orfanides Supermarket and then home across the wasteground with my shopping – I was a huge ball of sweat with a bright red face, not my most attractive look! So I am writing this with my hot, aching feet soaking in a bowl of cold water with rose essential oil in it. I am sitting at the table on the balcony, which is coming into its own at this time of year (the balcony that is and not the table!). The sun moves round off the balcony about one o’clock, so in the heat of the afternoon I can still sit out and look at the sea but be lovely and cool. Part of the balcony has a roof and this too provides extra shelter from the heat of the sun. I am considering just moving out onto the balcony permanently. It is warmer than indoors in the winter and cool in the summer. If I could only find a sofa for out here it would perfect. Unfortunately they only seem to sell patio furniture in suites and I don’t want tables and armchairs, or a pair of sofas – I just want the one sofa. I will have to work on that.

Walking about today it was a pleasure to feel part of the community. People wave to you as you pass their shops or bars. As I walk past people sitting on their balconies, or in their gardens we always smile and say hello. I do not know these people, but we see each other most days as I wander around. One lady passed me on her scooter and shouted ‘hello Cath’. I smiled and waved back but I have no idea who it was, as she had her helmet on, but she obviously knew me. The red hair has always been a dead giveaway! I always wonder how I end up being known as Cath. It happens wherever I go, yet I only ever refer to myself as Catherine. I don’t mind in the least, I just wonder why it happens. Luckily I very rarely get referred to as Cathie these days, which I am most relieved about. I can live quite happily with Cath, although I do prefer Catherine, but Cathie makes me feel about 97.

I worked out at the weekend that I must walk on average at least 28km a week. My flat is roughly 2 km from the roundabout/bank; the Helping Hands Charity Shop; the bus stop and the Supermarket. So each trip I make out to wherever is normally at least a round trip of 4 km. This does not include walking into Paralimni, or wandering about when I get off the bus at the other end. However, I do not manage it every day as stated above, so I have left it at an average of about 4km a day. Now the question is – why am I still the size of a house, or at least a small bungalow? It is incredibly cross-making. Still, I suppose that after all this time it is about time I accepted myself for what I am – although this is difficult when I know that other people don’t accept people for what they are and hideously independent though I am, my subconscious still craves acceptance. Very few people actually comment to me directly about my weight, but you hear people comment on other people’s appearance all the time – although it has to be said that it is normally women they are commenting about. Men can be any size, shape or degree of (subjective) handsomeness and they are all left to wander around in ill-fitting t-shirts, dodgy shorts, and socks and Jesus-boots to their heart’s content. Yet, let some poor woman go out who perhaps isn’t wearing something that flatters her – no matter whether she is Linda Lusardi – and people will feel perfectly free to mutter behind her back. God forbid if she should not be perfectly shaven – that would be beyond the pale! So, I am well aware that, along with the rest of womankind, my shortcomings are being pointed out. What makes me angry is that this still bothers me. What makes me even crosser is that it is only people who are not God’s Gift themselves that makes these comments. You do not find people who are happy with how they look commenting on other people, because they very rarely notice. So, I suppose this should elicit sympathy in me and not anger. However, as we have established on many occasions I have a long list of faults that I am trying to iron out, so give me time and I will work on it I promise.

During the retrospective I have made of my blog I also noticed that I talked about an island-wide bus service that was due to start in June. I have tried to find out more about this as I realised that June is only a few weeks away now. According to the Cyprus Mail it is now due to start in July, but this is also unlikely at the moment as the bus drivers are waiting for compensation, or at least the reassurance that they are not going to suddenly be without a job come July. This sounds like a paradox, but at the moment the bus drivers have their own buses and they cover their own route. So, if the bus service is nationalised their buses will no longer be needed. I am now in two minds about this. I would love a nationwide bus service, but I also do not want to see the local bus drivers lose out because of it. I will wait with baited breath to see what happens.

I had an absolutely lovely day on Saturday. Chris and Sue came round to chant with me and it left me feeling so uplifted. We then had a fabulous discussion taking in the complexities of the world and the difficulties of everyday life. I am so fortunate to be supported by such people who, although they are obviously on their own journeys with their own difficulties, are able to provide such wisdom and compassion in my life. One of my favourite things is to ‘discuss’. To range through many and varied topics, to agree or disagree, but with absolutely no rancour. It is just the fun of the discussion and the knowledge that you acquire from hearing points of view at variance with your own. Even if you do not agree with these points of view they offer you insight and understanding where before there was just confusion.

So, all in all, despite the fact I am still me, I am very glad that I moved here. I already know that I will not be here forever, but I also know that I will not be moving on for a while. There is far too much for me to learn here yet. It is also a perfect environment for me to learn more about myself and the issues I have with my physical health and to begin to conquer them, or at least the effect they have on my life. I do feel that I am beginning to live a complete life for the first time – although I am sure that to many people it would seem constrained – and I give full credit to Cyprus, the sun and the sea. Although I give myself a fair bit of credit too, for making the effort and not just giving up, which I so nearly did back in the UK. It is also a sign of just how far I have come that I can give myself credit at all– so hurrah me!

I also want to give credit to, amongst others, Daisaku Ikeda, whose teachings have made me a far bigger person than I was. There are so many quotes of his to choose from but one that sees me through again and again is: ‘Courage, strength and wisdom well up in those who consciously take on everything as the protagonist and person responsible for achieving their goals. Unlimited wisdom and ardent resolve arise from a sense of responsibility.’ Thank you also to all of you (those I have met and those I haven’t) whom I love so much and who give me the reason to write this every week. Vast blessings to you all.